I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I didn't notice because vodka
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
