Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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