i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
