I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
