i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
