I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
