So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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