i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
