This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
