Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
