he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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