Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
