I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
