Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
