The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Randomize
