my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
