Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
