two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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