i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
