I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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