I just saw a hot homeless man
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
3 2 1 whiskey
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
