The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
