If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
