So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
