My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
