Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
