I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
