So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
