Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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