just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
