The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
