No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
