Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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