Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
