So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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