3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am spending my child support on dildos
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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