So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
