I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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