yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
