So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
