last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Still dying that you shit outside
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The ass gains better be worth it
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