Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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