Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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