3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
