You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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