I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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