You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
