i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
