My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
