Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
