I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
