I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
