DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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