I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
