A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
